13 JanI guess I could talk about my diet.

I don’t talk much about my diet (aka lifestyle change) on this blog, but trust me I obsess about it all the day long. Basically it consists of 1500 calories a day ideally in three meals with no snacks. Currently I am three pounds away from my goal weight. And right on schedule. I want to be a skinny bitch by January 29th, our three year wedding anniversary. To the naked eye it will look like I am celebrating wedded bliss that night at dinner when really I will be stuffing my face out of pure starvation* because when I hit my goal I will eat – oh yeah – I will eat!

But why stop there? As soon as I hit that goal I am going for 10 more with grand delusions that the next 10 will come right off my belly. Seriously what is it with belly fat…go away…go away now! My date to lose The Last Ten by is April 4th when we go to Florida. If I keep starving** myself at the same rate I should be right on track.

I still workout four times a week and continually improving my side planks, balance, and flexibility so if I slip on the ice during this next Nor’easter I will be able to catch myself with one hand gracefully landing in a split. But don’t put money on me in a street fight, I’m still not strong enough to kick ass, unless I’m drunk, then all bets are off.

And even though I still have three pounds to go I would like to give a shout out to my nutritionist Ellen who put me on this hellish amazing plan, the website fitday an awesome free calorie counting site for which my weight loss would not be possible because what the hell is a calorie, and the website calorieking the pay website I currently use because of its layout and database full of brand name foods.

So though I don’t update this site with the daily ins and outs of life on a 1500 calorie diet just know that every minute of every day I am counting calories. And since my chances of dying from poor health have recently diminished drastically I may just go crazy instead from all the counting. It’s just that bad. But I look just that good.

* I’m actually not hungry.
** No really, I’m not.